Stir-Fry Cinema Podcast Series

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Finishing The Game

Finishing The Game: The Search For A New Bruce Lee
Genre: Comedy, Mockumentary

Starring: Roger Fan, Sung Kang, Moniqe Gabriela Curnen, McCaleb Vrnett, Dustin Nguyen, Jake Sandvig, Meredith Scott Lynn, M.C. Hammer.

Release Date: Strangely absent from IMDB.com





      Have you ever stubbed your toe?  I don't mean a little bump of the foot.  I mean a full on, heart skips a beat, "Oh My God!  It's Broken!" kid of stub?  Then, have you ever immediately stubbed that same toe again?  Ever done it a third time?  A fourth?  Ever done it for 83 minutes straight?  Well picture that in your head, that excruciating pain. Keep it in your mind, how every time you think it's finally going away, Boom!  You smash it again.  Congratulations.  You know what it feels like to watch Finishing The Game.  Every bit that could be "funny" proves to be more painful than the last.

     The premise is simple.  Bruce Lee has died suddenly leaving behind 12 crucial minutes of Game Of Death, the movie he intended to be his masterpiece.  So, let's go film a documentary of the casting process of trying to find someone to, quite literally, fill Bruce Lee's shoes.

     Seems like not only a simple concept, but an (at least mildly) intriguing one. Being the Bruce Lee fan that I am, I certainly thought so.  What follows is an hour and a half of awkwardness, with the viewer spending most of his time pitying the poor bastards who got suckered into making this, and hoping they weren't working for free.  The sad thing is, it could have been so much more.  Director Justin Lin made a nice debut some years back with his film "Better Luck Tomorrow."  Then, he signed on and directed The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift, and things apparently just went all to hell from there.

     Had this been in the hands of, say, Stephen Chow (director of Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle), it had the potential to be not only hilarious, but to be a respectful tribute to the greatest martial artist of the modern age.As it stands, though, it petty much accomplished exactly what the studio's final release of Game Of Death did.  To dig up Bruce Lee's grave, drop trou, and piss all over his corpse.

     The acting was awful.  I mean it, and I mean ALL of it.  Yes, I have said this of movies in the past, but never with the fervor and revulsion I feel as I write this.  Every line made me wish I was drunk, and heavily, so that by the end of the less than 90 minute feature, I was seriously considering making a liquor run of coma proportions.

     I am even unable to claim that there was at least one person who, seeing the caliber of actors around them, made any kind of a standout performance.  One actor did have a scene (and yes, only one) that approached some real "acting", but it was too little, and WAY TOO LATE.  The white guy playing a half-chinese man with a moustache that screams "Child Molester", protesting and reading slam poetry about being called "Slanty Eyes" was a new dimension of suffering the likes of which I've never seen.

     So, in case you couldn't tell, the move sucked a golf ball through a garden hose.  I paid five bucks, and was ripped of for about $4.50. So that's why it had no release date on IMDB; this vile excuse for comedy went straight to rental.    Least I know now, and when it comes to sh**ty movies, knowing is half the battle.

Everything Sucked.  Straight to the final rating.
Overall Rating: 0.5 out of 5 (including the mandatory 0.5 increase for a Ron Jeremy Cameo)

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