Galaxina

Galaxina
Genre: Scif-Fi, Comedy

Starring: Dorothy Stratten, Stephen Macht, J.D. Hinton, Avery Schreiber

Director: William Sachs

Release Date: June 6th 1980

Click the link below for this week's

Stir-Fry Cinema Podcast

Galaxina


(or use the embedded player above)

Bandidas

Bandidas
Genre: Action, Comedy, Western

Starring: Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, Steve Zahn

Director: Joachim Roenning & Espen Sandberg

Release Date: January 18th 2006

Click the link below for this week's

Stir-Fry Cinema Podcast

Bandidas

I enjoyed the movie greatly...

...and E's lifelong dream of seeing Steve Zahn's

big white ass finally came true!

Good Burger

Good Burger
Genre: Comedy

Starring: Kel Mitchell, Kenan Thompson, Sinbad, Abe Vigoda

Director: Brian Robbins

Release Date: July 25th 2007

Click the link below for this week's

Crappy Movie Night Podcast!

Good Burger

That's right, folks.

E watched the movie wearing a fake moustache.

You can't make this stuff up.

Finishing The Game

Finishing The Game: The Search For A New Bruce Lee
Genre: Comedy, Mockumentary

Starring: Roger Fan, Sung Kang, Moniqe Gabriela Curnen, McCaleb Vrnett, Dustin Nguyen, Jake Sandvig, Meredith Scott Lynn, M.C. Hammer.

Release Date: Strangely absent from IMDB.com





      Have you ever stubbed your toe?  I don't mean a little bump of the foot.  I mean a full on, heart skips a beat, "Oh My God!  It's Broken!" kid of stub?  Then, have you ever immediately stubbed that same toe again?  Ever done it a third time?  A fourth?  Ever done it for 83 minutes straight?  Well picture that in your head, that excruciating pain. Keep it in your mind, how every time you think it's finally going away, Boom!  You smash it again.  Congratulations.  You know what it feels like to watch Finishing The Game.  Every bit that could be "funny" proves to be more painful than the last.

     The premise is simple.  Bruce Lee has died suddenly leaving behind 12 crucial minutes of Game Of Death, the movie he intended to be his masterpiece.  So, let's go film a documentary of the casting process of trying to find someone to, quite literally, fill Bruce Lee's shoes.

     Seems like not only a simple concept, but an (at least mildly) intriguing one. Being the Bruce Lee fan that I am, I certainly thought so.  What follows is an hour and a half of awkwardness, with the viewer spending most of his time pitying the poor bastards who got suckered into making this, and hoping they weren't working for free.  The sad thing is, it could have been so much more.  Director Justin Lin made a nice debut some years back with his film "Better Luck Tomorrow."  Then, he signed on and directed The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift, and things apparently just went all to hell from there.

     Had this been in the hands of, say, Stephen Chow (director of Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle), it had the potential to be not only hilarious, but to be a respectful tribute to the greatest martial artist of the modern age.As it stands, though, it petty much accomplished exactly what the studio's final release of Game Of Death did.  To dig up Bruce Lee's grave, drop trou, and piss all over his corpse.

     The acting was awful.  I mean it, and I mean ALL of it.  Yes, I have said this of movies in the past, but never with the fervor and revulsion I feel as I write this.  Every line made me wish I was drunk, and heavily, so that by the end of the less than 90 minute feature, I was seriously considering making a liquor run of coma proportions.

     I am even unable to claim that there was at least one person who, seeing the caliber of actors around them, made any kind of a standout performance.  One actor did have a scene (and yes, only one) that approached some real "acting", but it was too little, and WAY TOO LATE.  The white guy playing a half-chinese man with a moustache that screams "Child Molester", protesting and reading slam poetry about being called "Slanty Eyes" was a new dimension of suffering the likes of which I've never seen.

     So, in case you couldn't tell, the move sucked a golf ball through a garden hose.  I paid five bucks, and was ripped of for about $4.50. So that's why it had no release date on IMDB; this vile excuse for comedy went straight to rental.    Least I know now, and when it comes to sh**ty movies, knowing is half the battle.

Everything Sucked.  Straight to the final rating.
Overall Rating: 0.5 out of 5 (including the mandatory 0.5 increase for a Ron Jeremy Cameo)

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People
Genre: Comedy

Starring: Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Jeff Bridges, Megan Fox, Gillian Anderson

Release Date: October 3rd 2008






     How To Lose Friends And Alienate People is the story of Sidney Young, a failing entertainment writer.  A badly failing one.  No matter what tricks and schemes he comes up with, he is unable to get enough access to the stars to finally get his big break.  His magazine/tabloid "Post Modern Review", which he runs from his apartment, is constantly on the verge of going belly-up.  This is, in part, because the magazine is one large hatchet job against the very stars who could be a lucrative livelihood for him.

     Then one day, he pisses off the right person.  Crashing a party hosted by "Sharps Magazine", the premier entertainment magazine in the world, Sidney catches the eye of Clayton Harding (Bridges), the magazine's editor.  Harding pulls him from his downward spiral in England, and gives him a chance at "Sharps".  Here he meets Alison Olsen, a fellow writer in the "I Spy" section, which (as Sidney puts it) "Catch(es) celebrities when they're drunk."

     Not happy with his lot, Sidney tries time and again to shake things up, refusing to sacrifice his journalistic integrity, even when doing so would be to guarantee his success.  Stunt after stunt, however, go progressively worse, until he nearly loses his job and everything that goes with it.  Through battling for his principles, to battling against them, and through a very unexpected (both for him and his colleagues) rise to the top, Sidney must decide what is more important; integrity or fame.

     Simon Pegg is Sidney Young.  I don't just mean he plays him, I mean he IS him, as if the role were written for specifically for him (which it likely was).  Chalk it up to that dry British wit, I suppose, but Pegg has an innate ability to take something that is completely unfunny, and to make it so over the top, so out of place, so downright awkward, that suddenly we find ourselves laughing out loud.  He usually does this by embarrassing himself with how ludicrous whatever he is saying happens to be, all while taking it completely seriously.  His comic timing is, as always, flawless.  I wholly believe that Pegg is one of, if not the, funnest men working in film today, and this role is an excellent showcase of his comedic ability.

     Jeff Bridges is also exceptional.  His character, Harding, truly is an a-hole, there is no question about it.  You don't mind in the least, though, because brutal though he is, he is 100% honest all the time.  He is the perfect foil to Pegg's antics, and I imagine there were probably quite a few blown takes between the two.  The end result, however, is simply brilliant.

     That's the good news.  Now for the bad...

     Megan Fox plays Sophie Mays, the up-and-coming ingenue starlet.  Mays is, throughout the film, the object of Sidney's aim and his obsession, with his end goal being (of course) to sleep with her.  I could not for the life of me figure out why, though.  Fox played her character so vapid, so over the top in her idiocy, I began to wonder whether she was acting at all.  She is attractive, yes, but this isn't Transformers and her looks were nowhere near enough to carry this role.  Every scene of hers was a waiting game, holding out for the return of humor.

     Gillian Anderson (in a rather minor role) is Eleanor Johnson, Sophie's publicist.  Though she didn't turn in a bad performance, or turn my stomach for that matter, but neither was it stellar.  I felt like she was really just meant to be there as a plot device, because that's all she was.

     Finally, we have Kirsten Dunst.  For those who aren't aware, this is the woman who suggested they ought to have killed off Spiderman.  She is a heretic, and in all likelihood a witch, and if anyone has a stake and tinder, please let me know.  In her less than able hands, Alison Olsen was expressionless, unemotional, boring, and nearly as vapid as Megan Fox.  She seems to work from the "I don't need to try because I'm getting a check either way" school of acting.  This character could not have been more wooden if it were played by a tree.  Her awkward scene of drunken rambling was especially painful.

So, considering these wildly varying opinions of the cast, what was my final impression?  Overall, I did enjoy it.  Pegg and Bridges made the movie their own, and kept me from turning it off.  I will admit that there were moments, however fleeting, that the thought crossed my mind.  Still, I'm glad I watched it.  Would I watch it again?  Possibly, but if I do, I will be keeping my finger very close to the fast forward button.

Plot and Script: 4 out of 5
Pegg and Bridges: 5 out of 5
The rest of them: 1 out of 5
Overall Rating: 3.25 out of 5


*Note*  The movie does contain a good deal of harsh language, and brief scenes of graphic nudity, and drug references, earning it a definite "R" rating.