Astro Boy

Astro Boy
Genre: Family, Animation

Starring: Freddie Highmore, Kristen Bell, Nicolas Cage, Bill Nighy, Donald Sutherland, Nathan Lane

Director: David Bowers

Release Date: October 23rd 2009

     In the floating metropolis of Metro City, technology has taken the form of robots that serve society's every whim.  They cook for us, clean for us, drive for us, and when they become broken or outdated, they are discarded to the Earth's surface.  The most brilliant robotocist in Metro City is Dr. Tenma, widely respected yet wholly neglectful of his son, Toby, a genius in his own right.

     While demonstrating his new "Peacekeeper" robot, tragedy strikes for Dr. Tenma.  Stricken with grief, Tenma builds Astro Boy, a truly state-of-the-art robot packed with defensive capabilities, and bearing the name and memories of his son.  Powerful people have other designs for the boy, though.  Can this new Toby find his place in the world before it's too late.

     Adapted from the famous Japanese manga series of the same name, Astro Boy is a pleasant surprise amidst a slew of disappointing and lackluster family films.  Though a fan of manga and anime, I was not very familiar with the original Astro Boy series, and I think this probably worked in my favor as far as my enjoyment of the film goes.  I didn't go into it with lofty expectations, so I wasn't disappointed by any changes they may have made.

     The first thing I noticed is the art style.  They keep the over-exaggerated physical characteristics so common to anime in many places, and I think it worked well for the way the characters were designed.  Also, the animation itself is beautiful.  Every scene is clean and complete, with a great attention to detail that really made the sci-fi utopia Metro City really immersive.

     The action scenes were particularly well done, also.  Each choice of angle is well planned, and complements the scene without intruding.  I enjoyed the film overall, but the action/fight sequences particularly caught my attention.  It's not every day an animated film gets my adrenaline going.

     Having said that, the story is a bit formulaic.  There are some nice (though predictable) "surprises", but the writing wasn't award worthy by any meas.  That didn't detract from my enjoyment, though, as this is really a film for kids, and you have to approach it with that in mind.

     Despite other weaknesses in the script, though, there were some VERY funny moments.  As usual when he is part of the cast, most of these belonged to Bill Nighy.  The humor was not too highbrow, though.  Even though I enjoy when a movie like this can slip in some humor for the parents, I feel many movies these days try much too hard at that, and as a result, they miss opportunities for good humor that children will enjoy.  This one did a nice job in balancing that, though.

     The voice acting was all tolerable at least, and very good in some cases.  Nic Cage's voice tends to drive me a little crazy, but it wasn't too overwhelming in this.  The same goes for Donald Sutherland.  They irked me, but not too much.  Freddie Highmore and Kristen Bell both did nice jobs.  Nathan Lane and Bill Nighy are both old hats at voice acting and were, of course, the highlights for me.  Nighy actually played two roles in the movie, one of which I didn't even realize was him until the credits rolled.

     There are some potentially upsetting places, particularly when Toby dies in the beginning.  I think for the most part, though, this will be more distressing for parents than for children.  At least when we watched it, when my daughter saw the robot that looked like Toby, sounded like Toby, and acted like Toby, she just thought, "Okay, Toby's back."  My wife didn't get past that quite as easily.

     Overall, this was a very nice film, animated or no.  I think it really stands out amid the stock of family films that have come out recently, and I am sad it didn't get appreciated more than it did.  I know I didn't hear much about it until it hit DVD.  Hopefully if they make a sequel, they will keep the same spirit and quality, because they could have a very good franchise on their hands.

Story: 4 out of 5
Animation: 4.5 out of 5
Voice Acting: 3.5 out of 5 (rating the cast as a whole, good with the bad)
Overall Rating: 4 out of 5

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Genre: Fantasy, Drama, Romance

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, et al.

Director: Chris Weitz

Release Date: November 20th 2009

     New Moon, the second installment of the hit series of Twilight adaptations, opened in US theaters to poor reviews and a fan following that can only be described as fanatical.  The plot from Twilight of a teenage girl, Bella Swan, moving to gloomy Forks, Washington, where she befriends and falls in love with 17 going on 100+ year old vampire Edward Cullen, takes many twists and turns in this next chapter.

     After a birthday party gone awry, Edward and the rest of the Cullens leave Forks suddenly, shattering what little grip on reality the every angsty Bella may have had.  Only her friendship with Quileute tribesman Jacob Black keeps her from falling completely off the deep end.  There's one problem with that, though.  Jacob and several of his fellow tribesmen are Werewolves, and to add to that, they are the sworn enemies of all blood suckers.  Sounds like every other love triangle, right?

     I feel it prudent to say early on that I read all four Twilight books some time ago (that's right, I really WILL read anything once).  Therefore, there was not a single plot twist that I didn't see coming.  Since I'm not an impartial judge of their effectiveness on New Moon virgins, and in the interest of fairness, I am excluding them from my discussion and rating of the movie.  Instead, I'm going to jump straight to the actors.  Really, all special effects and plot twists aside, this is a love story, and the actors are the heart and soul of it.

     What can I say about Kristen Stewart that doesn't violate the "If you can't say something nice..." rule?  Unfortunately, not much.  I don't know where she studied acting, but someone really needs to tell her that scoffing, mumbling, sighing, and making prolific use of the "awkward pause" do NOT make you an actor.  They're called levels, folks, and she lacks them entirely.  She is so bad, she borders on he point of being physically painful to observe, and through both of the first two installments, I constantly found myself wondering what the fuss was about.  These two are nearly invulnerable, powerful, mythical creatures, and they are obsessing and fighting over someone with the emotional range of a soft taco.

     Playing her bloodsucking suitor is Robert Pattinson.  Let me say up front that I do think Pattinson is a talented actor.  Maybe it was the material, or his costar, or his lack of screen time, but it simply doesn't come through for me in this at all.  He very nearly played Edward as a statue, and it is really disappointing for me to see.

     On the other side of the triangle is Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black.  While his acting isn't stellar, he at least shows some depth and emotional range.  Also, his physical acting (including his stunt work) stands out so far beyond that of his costars that it starts to look award worthy.  In fact, the Quileutes/Werewolves as a whole really stood out for me.  The actors all had such life, he really seemed like a family, like a bunch of kids thrust into a strange situation and trying to cope.  They were very convincing, and the necessary familial and tribal bonds of the characters were present and a very nice touch.

     As for the Vampires, they were hit and miss.  Some were pleasantly surprising, like Carlisle (Peter Facinelli) and Esme (Elizabeth REaser).  They did nice jobs in this, as they did in Twilight.  Some, like Emmett (Kellan Lutz) and Jasper (Jackson Rathbone) just came across as wooden and forced (as they did in Twilight).  And some, like Alice (Ashley Greene) were good or bad depending on the scene.  I will say that Michael Sheen , who you may know as the Lycan leader Lucian in Underworld (yep, he played a werewolf, now he's a vampire) was genuinely creepy, but he is an outstanding actor.  I almost think it was a mistake to have such a heavy hitter as him in the mix, as it really just highlighted for me the shortcomings of much of the rest of the cast.

     The effects were outstanding, to say the least.  The wolf transformations and vampiric speed effects in particular were top notch.  The directing and cinematography were certainly better than Twilight, (though the music was NOT), but not by much.  This is, after all, the director who brought us the abomination that is American Pie.

     Overall, it was definitely an improvement over Twilight.  Even Stewart improved, albeit minutely.  In fact, only Pattinson really seemed NOT to improve, though again, that may have been the fault of the script or his minimal screen time.  It is an effects driven movie, and if you go into it from that perspective, (or are a Twilight nut), you will not be disappointed.  If only I fell into one of those two categories.

Acting: 2 out of 5
Effects: 4 out of 5
As An Adaptation: 3 out of 5
Overall Rating: 3 out of 5

Good Burger

Good Burger
Genre: Comedy

Starring: Kel Mitchell, Kenan Thompson, Sinbad, Abe Vigoda

Director: Brian Robbins

Release Date: July 25th 2007

Click the link below for this week's

Crappy Movie Night Podcast!

Good Burger

That's right, folks.

E watched the movie wearing a fake moustache.

You can't make this stuff up.

Zombieland

Zombieland
Genre: RomZomCom

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Release Date: October 2nd 2009







     It's not every day you come across a zombie flick with a real budget.  Or one with a director with an actual vision.  Maybe you lucked out, and you come across one with writers who are truly passionate about the genre.  Writers who can give it a real, developed story and write a good film, Zombie or not.  Maybe, just maybe, you came across the rare zombie flick with real and talented actors, who can bring integrity and sincerity to the project.  But what happens when you get all of these things in the same film?

     Zombieland.  This movie is the real deal folks.

     The film follows Columbus on his trek for survival across the United States of Zombieland.  Columbus is a coward, plain and simple, who has only survived due to his strict adherence to a list of carefully devised (and very humorous) rules.  These include "Cardio", "The Double-Tap", "Seatbelts", "Beware of Bathrooms" and MANY others.

     On his journey, he meets Tallahassee on the side of a wreck strewn highway.  Without saying a word, or even lowering their guns, the two make a silent pact.  They bond together for survival, a fact that the two are not always quite thrilled with.  The two soon meet and "befriend" (at least eventually) Little Rock and Wichita, sisters on their way to "Pacific Playland", a supposedly Zombie-Free California theme park.

     Zombieland has it all.  The script is well written and very funny.  The director not only has a good sense of the genre and how to use the horror to shock you, but he also manages to use it to make you laugh.
  
     Jesse Eisenberg (Adventureland) does a great job as the cowardly Columbus, a man who's biggest dream is to brush a girl's hair behind her ear.  The beautiful Emma Stone (Superbad, The Rocker) plays the tough and very clever Wichita.  She and Eisenberg have a real chemistry on screen, and she does a good and convincing job of being the "tough chick" archetype.  Not only is she quite pleasant to look at, she can actually act too!  Abigail Breslin plays Little Rock.  Naive about some things ("Who's Ghandi?") yet also surprisingly wise about things such as running cons and killing zombies.  She almost always impresses when on screen, and Zombieland is no exception.

     The real highlight of the movie, though, was Tallahassee, played by Woody Harrelson.  A border-line psychotic with an unnatural obsession with finding one more Twinkie, Tallahassee also has a preternatural gift for killing zombies, one he makes thorough and frequent use of.  That's right, folks, white man can't jump, but they can sure as hell kick some zombie ass!

     Not only does the movie have a talented cast and a devoted production crew, the gore is fantastic!  Whether is is a woman crashing through the window of a minivan and skidding face first along the pavement, or a horde of zombies ripping into a fresh meal, the effects reach new heights of realism.  At least for the zombie genre, that is.  The gore is perfectly handled, not used to excessive levels and not so pervasive that you get sick of it.  There are parts that, I swear, you will want to (and actually might) stand up and cheer out loud.

     The humor, unexpected as it may be in a zombie film, is spot on.  Often tongue in cheek, or executed through visual gags, you will find yourself laughing at things you never would have imagined.

     I am trying to remember complaints I had so that I can write about that end of things.  I realize, however, that I didn't have any.  NONE!  Everything worked for me.  Even the fact that the zombies' origins are left unknown didn't bother me as it usually would.  The few survivors we see have no idea why it happened, so how could we?  Basically, this movie took what Shaun of the Dead began with the RomZomCom (Romantic Zombie Comedy) genre, and perfected it.  Need more proof?  How about this exchange from the movie's second act:

     Little Rock: "Do you have any regrets?"

     Bill Muray:  "Garfield, maybe..."

Concept: 5 out of 5
Execution: 5 out of 5
Overall Rating: 6 out of 5!  (This movie exceeds my normal classification)

Black Dynamite

Black Dynamite
Genre: Blaxsploitation, Spoof

Starring: Michael Jai White

Director: Scott Sanders

Release Date: January 13th 2010

Click the link below to listen to the FIRST EVER

Crappy Movie Night Podcast!


Black Dynamite

Diary Of The Dead

Diary Of The Dead
Genre: Horror

Starring: Michelle Morgan, Josh Close, Tony Ravello, Amy Lalonde, Joe Dinicol, Scott Wentworth, Philip Riccio

Director: George A. Romero

Release Date: September 8th 2007




     It is impossible to have "Zombie Week" without discussing one man in particular.  George A. Romero.  His 1968 classic Night Of The Living Dead not only defined a genre, it created it.  Unlike the legends of vampires, werewolves, etc., there is no historical basis for the zombie as it appears in popular culture.  There are voodoo legends of the "Zombi" as a deceased person who can be reanimated to serve the will of another. That is about as close as the legends come, though.

     Through his series of "Living Dead" movies, Romero has created an entire mythos that is now one of the most loved and cherished by horror fans the world over.  Though not all his films are of an equal caliber, when a Romero movie comes out, you had better believe that we Zombiephiles take notice.

     Though Diary of the Dead is not my ideal choice of a Romero to review for this week, it is the only one I have seen recently enough to feel I can do justice in a review.  So, I'm just gonna take what I have and run with it.  First, the premise.

     A group of film students are filming a horror film in the woods for a class project.  During a break on set, strange reports start coming over their radio about the dead returning to life and attacking the living.  While most of them brush it off as a hoax, a few take the stories seriously.  Divided on what to do, they collectively decide "better safe than sorry", and head to their hometowns and check on their loved ones.  With their teacher along for the ride, they start a journey that will teach them what true horror is.

     The movie is shown all from the "narrator's" point of view.  Or rather, from his camera's.  Not wanting to miss a thing, the camera never leaves his side, and the final product (the film you are watching) is presented as a documentary of what transpired.

     This was a great concept.  I like the idea largely because it puts you in the survivors' shoes more than other zombie flicks, which just cast you as an outside observer.  This boosts the film's "Fright Factor" considerably. However, as is often my experience with "Hand Held Cinema", the device tends to get a little old.

     Likewise, the story tends to drag.  The plot seems like it was just thrown together, serving as a mechanism only to get us to the next zombie attack.  There is certainly more character development than most other horror films.  For the story he was trying to tell, though, and considering how much we are obviously supposed to feel connected to the survivors, I didn't feel it was nearly enough.

     As for the zombies themselves, my hat is off to you, Mr. Romero.  One thing the man shows, time and again, is his mastery of the effects side of these movies.  No one else out there is using the makeup and SFX technology to it full potential quite the way Romero does.  The zombies in Diary are delightfully grotesque, the effects both startling and convincing.  In particular, I like the effects of the gunshots that fail to kill the walking dead.

     To summarize, this is far from the best zombie movie out there.  Despite a number of publications' claims to the contrary, it is not even Romero's best.  Most of the people making these lofty assertions gave me the impression that they thought this was his masterpiece simply because they had not seen any other of his catalog as comparison.

     The movie is NOT bad, though.  Certainly, the story/acting are "Horror Movie Bad" as I like to call it.  I almost expect that from modern horror, though, and it didn't at all prevent me from my enjoyment of the movie.  Also, for sheer shock value and gore, this one is certainly up there on my list.  If you like zombies or horror in general, give this at least one viewing.

Concept: 4 out of 5
Execution: 2.5 out of 5
Effects: 4.5 out of 5
Fright Factor: 4 out of 5
Overall Rating: 3.75 out of 5

Shaun Of The Dead

Shaun Of The Dead
Genre: RomZomCom

Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Kate Ashfield, Nicola Cunningham, Bill Nighy, Lucy Davis, Dylan Moran

Release Date: April 9th 2004






     Shaun is a bit of a loser.  He works as a middle manager at an electronics store, he spends every night at the pub with his friend Ed (who is an even bigger loser than Shaun), and his girlfriend, Liz, has just dumped him.  He's made a complete mess of his life.  Shaun is, simply, a failure, and he knows it.  He also knows it is going to take drastic action to get his life on track, and get Liz to take him back.

     Then, zombies overrun London...

     In the face of the apocalypse, Shaun has to man up, fight some zombies, kill a few loved ones, save the day, and get the girl.  Now if he can just figure out how to manage all that without screwing it up.

     The term "RomZomCom" (or Romantic Zombie Comedy) is a pretty common part of the industry vernacular today.  It hasn't been that way for long, though.  Shaun of the Dead not only set the standard for the genre, but was singly responsible for its birth.  Prior to its release, zombie movies were just another part of the horror genre, taken in far too serious of a light by the industry and audiences alike.  Even those with excessive gore or laughably bad acting were making too much of an attempt to be taken seriously, in my opinion.

     Shaun of the Dead broke the mold completely.  It certainly helped that director Edgar Wright and star Simon Pegg are avid horror fans.  What they managed to create went far beyond what you would expect, though.  You might go into it thinking you're in for a silly spoof.  Possibly you are expecting a labored homage to the greats of the zombie movie such as Romero.  That doesn't begin to describe it, or to do it justice.

     The film is so carefully thought out, so precisely executed, that they have transcended being a spoof of any sort.  Instead, through the use of classic British wit and perhaps surprisingly good special effects, they have created a masterpiece of both the horror and comedy genres.  Ask any afficianado to name their top five zombie movies, and I can almost guarantee, Shaun of the Dead will come up.

     Additionally, by adding the truly brilliant humor, along with a touch of romance, they have single handedly made the genre more accessible to the average movie goer.  People who would never give horror the time of day have found themselves in equal parts cringing from and laughing at the "horror" of it.

     The humor adds another dimension to the film that so many others lack.  Where other zombie flicks try to create unease in the viewer through simple "shock cuts" and mood lighting, Simon Pegg as Shaun truly is an everyman.  The audience can connect to him, can get behind him, in a way they can't with other horror heroes.  You get sucked in, because you know that what Shaun does is exactly what you would do.  When faced with a dismembered man in a tuxedo, your first thought isn't to grab a gun and shoot for the head.  It is rather more like Shaun's reaction; to jump back, screaming "Oh my god!  His arm's off!"

     Shaun is also uncomfortable (as I imagine we all would be in his shoes) with using the term "zombie".  It simply makes it too real, and Shaun's reaction to the horror is what most everyone does when faced with the unbelievable.  They simply refuse to believe it.

     Along with Pegg is a brilliant supporting cast.  Nick Frost (Pegg's real-life friend) is Ed, a man idiotic to the point of being tragic, who still does a nice job of "rolling with punches".  Kate Ashfield as Liz is sweet yet severe, willing to take charge when need be, making her a perfect counterpoint to Shaun's indecisiveness.  Lucy Davis and Dylan Moran are hysterical as the bickering couple Dianne and David.

     The real highlights of the supporting cast for me, though, were Nicola Cunningham and Bill Nighy.  Cunningham is Shaun's mother, Mary.  Rather than being stupid or oblivious, as she comes off at first, she is simply too sweet to believe, or even to comprehend, the events unfolding around her.  Bill Nighy is Shaun's step-father, Philip, a serious, authoritarian man who is certain his bite wound will be fine.  Why?  Because he "...ran it under a cold tap."  In his short time on screen, Nighy draws the viewer in (as he always does) and manages to simultaneously touch and repulse us.

     Finally, for being made six years ago, the effects are on par  with anything released in its time, and even most zombie films since.  The gore is used perfectly, and the only places it might normally start to feel excessive, it doesn't.  Those are the times you are laughing the hardest.

     In summary, this is not your normal horror film, or your normal comedy.  It stood out so much, that when he was making Land of the Dead, George Romero offered cameos to Pegg and Wright (which they, of course, accepted).  Shaun of the Dead is, and always will be, a standard by which great zombie movies are judged, and will proudly hold its title as the first RomZomCom.

Concept: 5 out of 5
Story and Script: 5 out of 5
Effects: 4.5 out of 5
Originality: 5 out of 5
Overall Rating: An enthusiastic 5 out of 5!

JCVD

JCVD
Genre: Drama

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme

Release Date: June 4th 2008







     What happens when an action star gets caught in the middle of a real life bank robbery?  JCVD happens.

     After staring down the barrel of a faltering career and losing custody of his daughter in a drawn out divorce, Jean-Claude Van Damme has hit rock bottom.  His bank cards don't work, and his life has fallen to pieces.  Going to the bank to try and pick up a deposit, Van Damme accidentally walks into the middle of a hostage situation.  If that weren't enough, the police think HE is the culprit, a failed celebrity making one last desperate grasp for control.  While a mob of his fans shout his praises outside, and the police try to figure a way to take him out, Van Damme must put himself to the test, and find a way to not only get himself out safely, but the other hostages as well.

     On the case for the DVD is this quote from "Time, Magazine".

     "He deserves not a black belt, but an Oscar."

     Anyone feel a huge sense of trepidation at that statement?  I know I did.  Despite a childhood spent watching, enjoying, and emulating Van Damme's movies and moves, I have always been aware this fact; if Van Damme is known for one thing, it is NOT acting.  In my experience, the only times "Jean-Claude Van Damme" and "acting" occur in the same sentence is when they are the setup for a punch-line.

     Of the three versions contained on the DVD, I watched the theatrical cut.  Quite frankly, I wanted to see what "Time" saw.  I hoped by doing so, I would be able to discern just how far the heads of their contributing writers had been crammed up their collective keysters.  As you can tell, despite having heard good things about the film, I remained skeptical as long as I could.  And believe me, it wasn't very long at all.

     Throughout his career, we have seen Van Damme be the hero almost to exclusion.  But I can't think of one other time he has been not just a prototypical "good guy", and instead was a good MAN.  That is exactly what he has given us.  No flashy kicks, no "witty" one-liners.  He is just an ordinary man in an extraordinary situation.  This is, without question, the defining point of his career, and not for one second does he disappoint.

     Van Damme shows not only a depth of feeling and ability that was unexpected, but the very notion of which has long been considered laughable.  From trying to look out for his fellow hostages, to his unending attempts to try to convince at least one of his captors to do the right thing, he shows in alternating doses dignity, resolve, and strength.

     One scene in particular truly blew me away, and solidified the "Time" quote as fact for me.  Towards the end of the film, Van Damme has a few minutes alone with the audience.  It is an emotional monologue, shot in one take, that breaks your heart and truly makes you feel for him in a way you never thought possible.  It is a side of him that is refreshing and awe-inspiring to see.  He talks of fame, addiction, a wasted life, and what it means to be nothing more than a fading memory.  One line in particular really stuck with me.  Said with tears in his eyes, and quite obviously on the verge of a breakdown, Van Damme says;

     (Translated from French)
     "It's hard for me to judge people.  And it's hard for them not to judge me.  Easier to blame me..."

     Believe it or not, Van Damme can not only act, he can do a truly brilliant job of it at that...

Concept: 3.5 out of 5
Execution: 4.5 out of 5
Van Damme's Performance: 5 out of 5
Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5

District 9

District 9
Genre: Science Fiction

Starring: Sharlto Copley

Release Date: August 14th 2009







     Stranded on Earth, a tremendous alien ship is left in stasis over Johannesburg.  What starts as an attempt by aid workers to help the sickly and dying refugees from another world, degrades over time into a full scale imprisonment in the midst of growing anti-alien sentiment.  Their prison?  The fenced and guarded "District 9".  The aliens, or "Prawns" as they are called (due to the species having a startling resemblance to their namesake) have devolved over their 20 year imprisonment to the level of base survival instincts, managing as best they can in the squalor they are confined to.

     First, the things I liked about District 9.

     Let me start by saying that I feel this is a brilliant concept.  Though not a very subtle allegory, it is still an effective one, echoing the tone of most discussions about immigrants and illegal "aliens" in society today.  Rather than focus on conflict between races and make one group the villain, the filmmakers focus on conflict between species, making all mankind the villains while illuminating the capacity for prejudice and hatred in us all.

     In addition, it is refreshing to me that high-concept Science Fiction like District 9 is being well received.  I feel comfortable in that assumption, given that it is a nominee for this year's Academy Awards, and for Best Picture at that.  It means that a wider cross-section of filmgoers are starting to take the genre seriously.

     Sharlto Copley in the lead role of Wikus Van De Merwe was also a definite positive for me.  I have never heard of this actor prior to District 9, and didn't think that much of him at first.  Much of the movie, particularly the setup and conclusion, are done in an interview/documentary style, and from the first of these two sections, very little is done with the character, to the point where I didn't even realize he was the protagonist of the piece.

     His performance in the beginning was pretty weak, but as is evidenced by the progression of the plot and by the rapid and thorough development of his character, it is my feeling that this was a failing, not of Copley's, but of the script.  I liked him more and more as the film went on, and by the end, I genuinely felt attached to the character.

     On another positive note, the effects were very well executed.  The Prawns themselves were very well designed, and were animated with such thoroughness that they really interacted well with the practical (i.e. non CGI) aspects of the environment.  The technology, though far etched of course, worked well, especially when shown in it's ruined state in the slums of District 9.

     Now for the bad parts...

     This, for me, is a classic example of a brilliant concept exceeding its execution.  Was the film bad?  No.  I do not, however, feel that it lived up to its full potential.

     The rest of the cast, you will notice, has remained suspiciously anonymous through the proceeding paragraphs.  That is because no one besides Copley stood out enough in my experience to warrant specific discussion.  Most of them weren't bad, they just didn't really impress me.

     The pacing, also, was a persistent problem for me.  The crucial aspects of the plot took far too long to take the spotlight, and once they did, these crucial parts weren't allowed to keep the focus they deserved.  The backstory went quickly from thorough to excessive, and for a little while there, I got pretty bored.  Whether it was a break in the plot for a drawn out action scene or for relatively pointless exposition, the pacing was inconsistent, and that definitely colored my opinion of the whole.

     Overall, this was an enjoyable watch, though.  It had it's good points, and was worth seeing at least once.  I can promise you this, though.  District 9 will not be causing any upsets at the Oscars this year.

Concept: 4 out of 5
Execution: 2.5 out of 5
Effects: 4 out of 5
Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Finishing The Game

Finishing The Game: The Search For A New Bruce Lee
Genre: Comedy, Mockumentary

Starring: Roger Fan, Sung Kang, Moniqe Gabriela Curnen, McCaleb Vrnett, Dustin Nguyen, Jake Sandvig, Meredith Scott Lynn, M.C. Hammer.

Release Date: Strangely absent from IMDB.com





      Have you ever stubbed your toe?  I don't mean a little bump of the foot.  I mean a full on, heart skips a beat, "Oh My God!  It's Broken!" kid of stub?  Then, have you ever immediately stubbed that same toe again?  Ever done it a third time?  A fourth?  Ever done it for 83 minutes straight?  Well picture that in your head, that excruciating pain. Keep it in your mind, how every time you think it's finally going away, Boom!  You smash it again.  Congratulations.  You know what it feels like to watch Finishing The Game.  Every bit that could be "funny" proves to be more painful than the last.

     The premise is simple.  Bruce Lee has died suddenly leaving behind 12 crucial minutes of Game Of Death, the movie he intended to be his masterpiece.  So, let's go film a documentary of the casting process of trying to find someone to, quite literally, fill Bruce Lee's shoes.

     Seems like not only a simple concept, but an (at least mildly) intriguing one. Being the Bruce Lee fan that I am, I certainly thought so.  What follows is an hour and a half of awkwardness, with the viewer spending most of his time pitying the poor bastards who got suckered into making this, and hoping they weren't working for free.  The sad thing is, it could have been so much more.  Director Justin Lin made a nice debut some years back with his film "Better Luck Tomorrow."  Then, he signed on and directed The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift, and things apparently just went all to hell from there.

     Had this been in the hands of, say, Stephen Chow (director of Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle), it had the potential to be not only hilarious, but to be a respectful tribute to the greatest martial artist of the modern age.As it stands, though, it petty much accomplished exactly what the studio's final release of Game Of Death did.  To dig up Bruce Lee's grave, drop trou, and piss all over his corpse.

     The acting was awful.  I mean it, and I mean ALL of it.  Yes, I have said this of movies in the past, but never with the fervor and revulsion I feel as I write this.  Every line made me wish I was drunk, and heavily, so that by the end of the less than 90 minute feature, I was seriously considering making a liquor run of coma proportions.

     I am even unable to claim that there was at least one person who, seeing the caliber of actors around them, made any kind of a standout performance.  One actor did have a scene (and yes, only one) that approached some real "acting", but it was too little, and WAY TOO LATE.  The white guy playing a half-chinese man with a moustache that screams "Child Molester", protesting and reading slam poetry about being called "Slanty Eyes" was a new dimension of suffering the likes of which I've never seen.

     So, in case you couldn't tell, the move sucked a golf ball through a garden hose.  I paid five bucks, and was ripped of for about $4.50. So that's why it had no release date on IMDB; this vile excuse for comedy went straight to rental.    Least I know now, and when it comes to sh**ty movies, knowing is half the battle.

Everything Sucked.  Straight to the final rating.
Overall Rating: 0.5 out of 5 (including the mandatory 0.5 increase for a Ron Jeremy Cameo)

G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra

G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra
Genre: Action, Science Fiction

Starring: Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Sienna Miller, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Dennis Quaid, Ray Park, Byung-hun Lee

Release Date: August 7th 2009






     G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is set in the near future, where weapons technology has evolved at an incredible rate, and a brand new science is changing the face of combat; nanotechnology.  Microscopic robots that have nearly unlimited destructive capabilities.  When these weapons fall into the wrong hands, it's up to top secret special-ops group G.I. Joe to get them back.  Highly trained and well equipped, the "Joe's" are our last line of defense.  As their commander summarizes, "When others fail...we don't."

     If you watched the cartoon as a kid (or a grownup, depending on how old you are) you will notice one change early on.  Whereas G.I. Joe used to be the "Real American Hero", now they are a virtual United Nations of soldiers and specialists.

     The film opens in the past, with a Scottish weapons dealer, McCulloch, being brought into a torture room by his French captors.  McCulloch has been selling to both sides, supplying their king, as well as the king of England, with arms.  McCulloch rails against them, saying his descendants will never stop, and he is proud to die.  Rather than kill him, though, they sear a white hot iron mask to his face, which he must "wear to the end of (his) days."  The mask, which will serve as his prison, will be easily recognizable to fans of the cartoon.

     This is the first and last scene not dominated by technology.  From here, the film leaps to the future, where McCulloch's descendant has developed a nanite warhead.  The weapon has the capability to destroy entire cities, and four such warheads are being sold to NATO.  The weapons are entrusted to a group of special operatives for delivery.  Leading them is Duke (Tatum).

     On their way to the delivery, things go predictably wrong.  It is only through the timely intervention of a group of Joe's that the weapons aren't lost.  After very little thought, Duke and his friend Ripcord (Wayans) want in.  They get their wish.  The rest of the movies is keeps a fast pace, full of action and littered with so-so dialogue.  Through the course of the film, the warheads change hands several times, and it is a constant struggle to keep them from being used.

     I didn't find myself cringing through any of the movie, but with a film like this, you can certainly expect to chuckle through at least some of the dialogue.  Likewise, no one actor really stood out over the rest, because none of them were particularly impressive.

     Channing Tatum was average in his portrayal of Duke.  He didn't show much emotion, except anger, but I expected that.  It is not only a fair description of the bulk of his career, but really is all that is required of the character.  He's tough, a good soldier, and nothing else about him really matters.

     Marlon Wayans, also, didn't seem to bring much actual "acting" to the film.  He played Ripcord the way he plays all his parts; as a smartass.  That's not to say it bothered me.  His humor kept a lightness to the film's tone that I really think it could have suffered without.  I just mean there were no surprises here.

     Sienna Miller plays Duchess, duke's ex-fiancee turned villainous killing machine.  Her performance was relatively dry, and yet still I found myself at several points thinking "Wow.  She's trying WAY too hard."  Her action scenes, on the other hand, were actually pretty well done.

     Dennis Quaid is General Hawk, leader of the Joe's.  Without a huge amount of screen time, we didn't really get much of a sense for his character.  We know he is a tough, no-nonsense military man (Yours, Mine And Ours anybody?) who cares deeply about every soldier under his command.  Quaid was good, of course.  He always is.  I just feel they underused him.

     The real highlights of the cast were Byung-hun Lee as Storm Shadow and Ray Park as Snake Eyes.  These two character, particularly Snake Eyes, have been fan favorites for decades.  Fans, I promise, regardless of anything else about the movie, these two will not disappoint.  Both are brilliant martial artists, and they really got to showcase their talent.  Whatever else you say about the production team, you have to give them this; they nailed the fight scenes.  But, how could you not with the man behind Darth Maul.  He was the highlight of the whole film for me, and he never said so much as a word.  when it comes to non-asian martial artists working in the industry today, he is top of the list for me.

     I ahve heard some complaints from people about the amount of attention these two were given.  One friend said, "They should have just called it 'Snake Eyes: The Movie'".  After watching it, though, I have to disagree.  Yes there are a number of scenes featuring him, but he is a crucial part of the G.I. Joe universe.  Yes, there was a lot of backstory scenes for him and Storm Shadow, but how else are you going to get this information when the character doesn't speak?  Overall, I thought these wound up being some of the better parts of the movie.

     Finally, despite the weak points in the script, the action and effects were amazing.  The technology didn't seem thrown together or out of place, but were (for the characters) a natural part of the world they inhabit.  Also, I must say it has been a long time since I saw action and fight sequences of this caliber, with Park and Lee standing out even above the rest of the excellently executed action.

     Would I recommend this?  Sure!  It was a fun movie, one I'm glad I watched.  If you like action, no movie has come out in some time that can compete.  Don't expect too much from the story or the actors, and just let yourself enjoy it.  This is not a movie to be overthought, so just sit back, relax, and watch the pretty explosions.

Story: 2.5 out of 5 (formulaic)
Performances: 3.5 out of 5 (raised from 2.5 thanks to Park and Lee)
Action: 5 out of 5
Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People
Genre: Comedy

Starring: Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Jeff Bridges, Megan Fox, Gillian Anderson

Release Date: October 3rd 2008






     How To Lose Friends And Alienate People is the story of Sidney Young, a failing entertainment writer.  A badly failing one.  No matter what tricks and schemes he comes up with, he is unable to get enough access to the stars to finally get his big break.  His magazine/tabloid "Post Modern Review", which he runs from his apartment, is constantly on the verge of going belly-up.  This is, in part, because the magazine is one large hatchet job against the very stars who could be a lucrative livelihood for him.

     Then one day, he pisses off the right person.  Crashing a party hosted by "Sharps Magazine", the premier entertainment magazine in the world, Sidney catches the eye of Clayton Harding (Bridges), the magazine's editor.  Harding pulls him from his downward spiral in England, and gives him a chance at "Sharps".  Here he meets Alison Olsen, a fellow writer in the "I Spy" section, which (as Sidney puts it) "Catch(es) celebrities when they're drunk."

     Not happy with his lot, Sidney tries time and again to shake things up, refusing to sacrifice his journalistic integrity, even when doing so would be to guarantee his success.  Stunt after stunt, however, go progressively worse, until he nearly loses his job and everything that goes with it.  Through battling for his principles, to battling against them, and through a very unexpected (both for him and his colleagues) rise to the top, Sidney must decide what is more important; integrity or fame.

     Simon Pegg is Sidney Young.  I don't just mean he plays him, I mean he IS him, as if the role were written for specifically for him (which it likely was).  Chalk it up to that dry British wit, I suppose, but Pegg has an innate ability to take something that is completely unfunny, and to make it so over the top, so out of place, so downright awkward, that suddenly we find ourselves laughing out loud.  He usually does this by embarrassing himself with how ludicrous whatever he is saying happens to be, all while taking it completely seriously.  His comic timing is, as always, flawless.  I wholly believe that Pegg is one of, if not the, funnest men working in film today, and this role is an excellent showcase of his comedic ability.

     Jeff Bridges is also exceptional.  His character, Harding, truly is an a-hole, there is no question about it.  You don't mind in the least, though, because brutal though he is, he is 100% honest all the time.  He is the perfect foil to Pegg's antics, and I imagine there were probably quite a few blown takes between the two.  The end result, however, is simply brilliant.

     That's the good news.  Now for the bad...

     Megan Fox plays Sophie Mays, the up-and-coming ingenue starlet.  Mays is, throughout the film, the object of Sidney's aim and his obsession, with his end goal being (of course) to sleep with her.  I could not for the life of me figure out why, though.  Fox played her character so vapid, so over the top in her idiocy, I began to wonder whether she was acting at all.  She is attractive, yes, but this isn't Transformers and her looks were nowhere near enough to carry this role.  Every scene of hers was a waiting game, holding out for the return of humor.

     Gillian Anderson (in a rather minor role) is Eleanor Johnson, Sophie's publicist.  Though she didn't turn in a bad performance, or turn my stomach for that matter, but neither was it stellar.  I felt like she was really just meant to be there as a plot device, because that's all she was.

     Finally, we have Kirsten Dunst.  For those who aren't aware, this is the woman who suggested they ought to have killed off Spiderman.  She is a heretic, and in all likelihood a witch, and if anyone has a stake and tinder, please let me know.  In her less than able hands, Alison Olsen was expressionless, unemotional, boring, and nearly as vapid as Megan Fox.  She seems to work from the "I don't need to try because I'm getting a check either way" school of acting.  This character could not have been more wooden if it were played by a tree.  Her awkward scene of drunken rambling was especially painful.

So, considering these wildly varying opinions of the cast, what was my final impression?  Overall, I did enjoy it.  Pegg and Bridges made the movie their own, and kept me from turning it off.  I will admit that there were moments, however fleeting, that the thought crossed my mind.  Still, I'm glad I watched it.  Would I watch it again?  Possibly, but if I do, I will be keeping my finger very close to the fast forward button.

Plot and Script: 4 out of 5
Pegg and Bridges: 5 out of 5
The rest of them: 1 out of 5
Overall Rating: 3.25 out of 5


*Note*  The movie does contain a good deal of harsh language, and brief scenes of graphic nudity, and drug references, earning it a definite "R" rating.

The Blind Side

The Blindside
Genre: Drama

Starring: Quinton Aaron, Sandra Bullock, Tim McGraw, Kathy Bates

Release Date: November 20th 2009

*Contains Spoilers*










     I am, as a general rule, very skeptical about sports movies.  If you know me, you know I've watched maybe three football games in my life.  I've seen one live sporting event (KU Basketball back when Jacque Vaughn was on the team), and when I watch a trailer for a sports movie, I start having "Mighty Ducks" flashbacks.  So, when my wife decided she wanted to see this for her birthday, I felt like I was borderline for a pretty serious panic attack.  I went, though, and I am so glad I did.

     The Blind Side is the story of Michael Oher, who was a first draft NFL pick in 2009, and is now a defensive tackle for the Baltimore Ravens (thank you Wikipedia!).  The movies isn't about his still very short professional career, though, but about his life leading up to it, with some events and places fictionalized.  Growing up in Memphis, Tennessee, Oher was a ward of the state and a runaway from numerous foster homes.  He was a quiet boy of tremendous physical stature and, as far as anyone could tell, a severely limited intellect.  He had a 0.6 GPA upon entering the Wingate Christian School.

     Michael was your everyday hard luck case that you hear about or see about so often these days.  A broken home, an absent father, a mother addicted to drugs, and the victim of numerous other tragedies no young person should have to suffer.  When he is taken in by the Tuohy's, whose children also attend Wingate, they all expected it to be just a place to stay for a night or two.  Instead, their bond grows, and they eventually  welcome Michael fully into their family.  By the end of the film, he even calls Leigh Ann (the Tuohy matriarch) "Mama".

     Michael is played by Quinton Aaron.  This is Aaron's first big screen role, and that can easily be an intimidating experience for a young actor.  The pressure can affect the performance, and with a story this heavy, it would have been easy for his portrayal to turn withdrawn or maudlin, but Aaron does neither.  He shows confidence throughout the film, even when doing so means showing just how little confidence his character has.  From the opening credits to the last line, he stayed true to his character and drew me entirely into his world.  I felt for him, I (almost) cried for him, and I cheered for him like he was a close friend.  As the character grew and came out of his shell, it only got better.

     Sandra Bullock (who is nominated for an Oscar for her performance) plays Leigh Ann Tuohy.  Severe and standoffish, she is a wealthy woman who not only knows what she wants, but tends to get it.  There is another dimension to her, though, just below the surface.  One that is warm and giving, who happily changes a young man's life and asks for nothing in return.  This is a bit of a departure for Bullock, whose catalog of romantic comedies has often put her squarely on the opposite end of the spectrum from the aloof Tuohy.  Even in The Proposal, the humor overwhelmed the careful balance Bullock had between being the kind person, and the human wall.

     Not in The Blind Side.  Her flair, attitude, and innate kindness come across perfectly.  She is inspiring in her portrayal, and she absolutely deserves her nomination.

     Tim McGraw is Sean Tuohy, a successful restauranteur (albeit of chains like KFC and Taco Bell).  He is often the voice of reality and reason to Bullock's character, and as a result, he is often ignored.  But he is every bit as kind, and he has the added bonus of being able to be overtly humorous.  Kathy Bates is Miss Sue, Oher's tutor and friend, a unique woman who warns the Tuohy's "I'm a Democrat," and gives Michael the tools to become the student, and the man, that he wants to be.

     With a slew of actual NCAA coaches lending their names and faces, the film gains an added level of honesty and truth, reminding us that this story not only happened, but happened recently.  The movie concludes touchingly, with footage of the real Michael Oher being drafted into the NFL, as well as with photos of him with the real Tuohy family.

     I am so glad I gave it a chance, and I advise you to do the same.  Who knows, maybe one of you will be inspired to help the next Michael Oher.

Story: 4 out of 5
Performances: 4.5 out of 5
Overall Rating: 4.25 out of 5

Dragonball: Evolution

Dragonball: Evolution
Genre: Action (Martial Arts)

Starring: Justin Chatwin, Yun-Fat Chow, Emmy Rossum

Release Date: April 10th 2009








     Just to be perfectly clear, I did not come into this movie with high expectations.  I am not, nor have I ever been, a fan of "Dragonball Z" (the anime that was the basis for this movie).  I have the highest respect for anime as a whole, and am a devoted fan of a variety of different series.  "Dragonball Z", though, has always been, to my mind, a cookie cutter show; cheaply made, mass produced drivel.  I don't say this to offend anyone, and there are no accusations being made towards or about the legions of fans both in Japan and Stateside.  I simply feel it is important for my readers to know my mindsight upon viewing.

     Dragonball: Evolution is the story of Goku, a high school student who sticks out as much as his hair sticks up (read: severely).  After a brief narrative filling us in on the history of the movie world, the movie begins on the morning of Goku's 18th birthday, with Goku in the middle of martial arts training with his grandfather, Gohan.  From the first scene, we are treated to a brilliantly choreographed and equally well executed fight scene between the two.  If you don't know me, understand that nothing grabs my attention like a good fight scene.  My interest was piqued.

     After the fight ends (with Goku on his hind end in the dirt), Gohan gives him his birthday present.  A small, glowing orb, with four stars shining within.  This is a Dragonball.  Gohan tells Goku the legend of the Dragonballs.  Seven in number, collecting them all grants the holder one perfect wish.

     The movie keeps a nice steady pace throughout.  We see Goku in highschool, the target of bullying, but unable to do anything about it due to an oath to his grandfather that he wouldn't fight.  Likewise, we see him pining after the popular girl, and accidentally impressing her, despite a severe case of nerves.  If this section sounds rather formulaic, that's because it is, and I will admit that it started to lose my interest, however briefly.

     Tragedy strikes for Goku, sending him on a mission to retrieve the Dragonballs to stop world takeover by the alien warlord Piccolo.  Through various hardships and trials, and a healthy dose of stylized fight scenes, we see Goku grow steadily in skill and power, but also in character, culminating in a battle of powers and wills with Piccolo.  Along the way, he makes a few unlikely allies, such as the sassy and brilliant Bulma Briefs (Rossum) and the aging but immensely skilled Master Roshi.  Roshi is played to perfection by the incomparable martial artist and action star, Yun-Fat Chow (Crouching Tiger, Replacement Killers, Curse of the Golden Flower).  At times severe, at times the living embodiment of many a over-the-top and mildly perverted anime character, Yun-Fat is perfectly cast for this role, and I thoroughly enjoyed every second he was on screen.

     The movie does stick to a formula.  Likewise, the twists are, for the most part, pretty predictable.  This fact is even more true if you are at all familiar with the anime.  Those things didn't bother me, though.  Once I realized that the high level of quality action was not a fluke, that the filmmakers were, for better or worse, picking a style and a story, and sticking to it no matter what, and that these were going to be defining and consistent strengths for the film, I was able to let go of any expectations and just get caught up in the movie.  Admittedly, it might have helped that I was watching it with my children, who are much more easily pleased than I am.

     Was the acting dry in places?  Yes.  There is no discussion on this point.  The pitfall of action movies in general, and martial arts movies in particular, is that the creators are well aware beforehand that the action will likely eclipse any story that may be present.  As a result, many often don't give this crucial element the respect and attention it deserves.

     It is also true that, aside from Goku, there is VERY little development of the core characters.  Dragonball has always, in my experience, been "all about the action", and character development has not only fallen by the wayside, but largely been ignored, and when you are working from that kind of source material, you have to work with what you have.  You can't develop a character that has been given no depth to begin with, no chance to take on that life that the truly amazing and awe-inspiring characters do, and this is a failing that I do not blame the film for at all.  You can only make so many changes to a story like this, even if they are for the better, before you wake up one day to find legions of Otaku shouting "Blasphemy!" outside your front door.

     The thing that made this movie for me was (as I'm sure you can guess) the action.  The quality never slips, not even for a second.  That's not to say it is the best I have seen, but consistency counts for a lot, and Dragonball: Evolution has it in spades.  Additionally, Chatwin handled the fighting with respect and skill, to the point where I honestly couldn't tell for certain what was him and what was a stunt double.  I find that impressive in a younger actor, particularly one who (as near as I can tell) has no background in martial arts.  Despite my misgivings about having a white guy play Goku, he handled it perfectly, with great comedic timing where appropriate, and tons of honesty throughout, easily making his performance the highlight of the movie.

     So, despite my apprehensions, I enjoyed myself quite a lot.  I'm not going to be rushing out to buy the collected editions of "Dragonball Z" any time soon, but I will definitely be watching this again (often, if my kids have their way).

     I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait for the sequel.

Action: 4.5 out of 5
Story: 3 out of 5
Overall: 3.75 out of 5

Crank 2: High Voltage

Crank 2: High Voltage

Genre: Action

Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam, Clifton Collins Junior, Efren Ramirez, Bai Ling, David Carradine

Release Date: April 17th 2009

*Contains Spoilers*

     Crank 2: High Voltage, the sequel to the relatively well received Crank (2006), is a very complicated and thought provoking move.  Oh, wait, no it isn't.  Not in the slightest.

     Jason Statham plays Chev Chelios, a hitman who, in the first movie, has to find an antidote for a new Chinese poison which slows his heart and kills him.  So, how does he avoid this?  Chelios tears across the city, hunting those responsible, while taking on any and every dangerous stunt he can think of to keep his adrenaline pumping and his heart beating, until ultimately, he falls out of a helicopter.

     That's right, he falls out of a freaking helicopter.  And by the way, we aren't talking about a little fall, here.  The helicopter isn't in the middle of take-off, and he tumbles out, and scrapes his knee, and needs a bandaid for his boo-boo.  He falls long enough to take out his cellphone, call his girlfriend (Smart), and leave her a long-winded apology message, before bouncing off and crushing a parked car and splatting in the middle of the sidewalk.

     Here's the good news.  Change the end I just described to the beginning, switch up one or two details in the first paragraph, and in the words of Emeril, "Bam!", you've got Crank 2, complete with dead prostitute aux jus.  This time though, it's his heart.  As in, Chinese mobsters have cut it out in a dirty motel, and considerately replaced it with something that looks like they stole it from the prop closet of Robin Williams' "Bicentennial Man".  The kicker this time is, the new heart is run by a battery pack, which being the fun-loving guy he is, Chelios destroys within minutes while crashing his car into a concrete abutment.

     This is where I started to think I'd already seen this movie.  Chelios, once again, tears a** around the city looking for the bastards who have his "Strawberry Tart".  Along the way, he throws plenty of kicks, punches, and vaguely British sounding witticisms as often as the film-maker thought it necessary to show bare breasts (which is a LOT).  So, in order to keep his ticker ticking, he is jumped by a car battery, tazed, electrocuted, sticks his finger in the A/C port of a limousine, wears a dog's shock collar, and climbs a telephone pole to grab the exposed wires there.

     The director even found a reason for him to publicly hump Amy Smart again.  Last time it was for the adrenaline, this time it's for the static electricity from the friction.  Yep, you heard that right.  And it's in the middle of a horse track.  You heard that right, too.  It's in the middle of a horse track, during a race, with the sounds of "Gamblers and Degenerate Low-Lives" cheering and SCREAMING their heads off from the stands.

     The movie ends with the expected "Gunfight At The OK Corral" type of scene, and the promise that Chelios is, you guessed it, still alive.

     So, this begs the question, if the movie was so ludicrous, so poorly written, so downright bad (and it was), why in the name of God am I completely prepared to sit through it again?

     Because Jason Statham is the F*%KING MAN!

Action: 4 out of 5

Story: 1 out of 5

Overall: 2.5 out of 5

Ichaerus' Movie Reviews

Action:
Crank 2: High Voltage
Dragonball: Evolution
G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra
Hell Ride
Ninja Assassin

Comedy:
Black Dynamite
Finishing The Game
Galaxina
How To Lose Friends And Alienate People
Yes Man

Drama:
Blind Side, The
Defendor
Twilight Saga: New Moon, The


Family:
Astro Boy


Horror:
Dead Snow
Diary Of The Dead


RomZomCom:
Shaun Of The Dead


Science Fiction:
District 9